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"Ican't say I was disappointed when your mom agreed to join the squad. Afterall, I had a great view of all their routines--from my permanent seat atthe end of the bench!" Oh, Petey!" my mom responded, clearly exasperated. "Every other manexaggerates his athletic feats. The more their career recedes into thepast, the better a player they become. But with you, it's the opposite.Remember that touchdown you scored against Granville?" Let them have their fun, and I'll have mine. Anyway, it sure. He would look in my direction and scratch his head, sort of covering his eyes. I bet he didn’t get any at home, I bet Martin really was delivered by a stork! I bet they had sex in the dark, probably fully dressed, with Mrs Hayward with her eyes shut tight and a grimace on her face, just telling him to hurry up, and stop panting so. ‘I think the lever has jammed. Can you help me get up?’ I asked him. He stood over me holding both my hands as I wriggled forward. Of course my skirt decided it was. When a dog moves in and needs your attention, your own problems tend to have to take a back seat.”“And they WANT to be with you.”And, being the intelligent animals they are, they chose that moment to complain about the lack of attention. I keep trying to tell Max not to put his paws on my lap so he can see what’s left on my plate, but he’s not getting the message too well. Not that it got him anything; I learned a long time ago never to give in to a begging dog.When we got to bed, Mel warned me. Just as I pinched off the first log, more wascoming behind it; this one had some undigested corn hulls, probably fromsome corn dog or tamale judgging from the flavor. As that one landed inthe bowl with a splash, she finished off with some softer, wetter crap,more the consistency of soft serve ice cream; not diarrhea, but softenough that it didn't stretch me out, but slid out smoothly, leavingbehind a residue of fecal matter as it formed a ropelike coil in the bowlbelow me. I was being a good.
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